Advice on writing and envy

“How do you keep going when the gulf between where you want to be and where you are feels so wide?”

Welcome to the latest issue of Subtle Maneuvers. Until now, I’ve been trying my hand at writing an occasional advice column. Starting today, I’m making it a more formal thing, with the last newsletter of each month devoted to your creative dilemmas. Feel free to let me know what you think of this new format—or ask a question of your own—by replying to this email. Now for the dilemmas!

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Dear Subtle Maneuvers,

I’ve written since I was a teenager and always knew on some level that it was a really important part of me, but I’ve only recently started to take it seriously, taking courses and editing stories and trying to submit things around a full-time job that I don’t really enjoy. Recently, with the pandemic and various other miseries, I’ve been struggling to do much writing despite theoretically having the time. Mostly what I’ve been feeling when I think about making the time is an intense envy and unhappiness towards every (phenomenally talented and deserving) writer on my Twitter feed who is publishing stories and books and getting critical acclaim, combined with a weariness at my own work. 

I’m in my mid-twenties and I already feel talentless and behind because of so many other young women writing brilliant books that I wish I’d written—which should be a good thing, or at least an impetus to keep moving! I guess the grist of my question is, do you have advice on how to keep going when the gulf between where you want to be and where you are feels so wide that it’s ridiculous that you want what you want? —Anna in London

Dear Anna,

Thanks for writing with this troublesome dilemma, which I think is more common than you may realize. (Truthfully, I could have written an almost identical letter when I was in my mid-twenties.) A few points I want to make right off the bat:

• Writing is difficult! More difficult than sometimes seems possible. So it’s perfectly normal to struggle with it and feel discouraged sometimes (or most of the time). As Thomas Mann once said, “A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.” So if you’re finding the whole process kind of miserable: Congratulations, you’re on the right track! *