I have a similar strategy, just different framing. I imagine me being a kid and mother at the same moment and as my mum alter I say, of course honey, I'll get you a glass of water, rather than sitting here thirsty, you're worth it!
I used to have issues with other people breaking agreements with me. One day I realized (because of something I saw myself do despite telling myself I wouldn’t) that I wasn’t keeping my own agreements with myself.
I saw the utter lack of personal integrity. Why should anyone else honor an agreement with me when I constantly betrayed my own self?
In that moment I became a person whose word to herself was impeccable.
A decision.
Once that decision was made, it was not up for negotiation.
Now I can count on myself.
Somehow that taught me how to avoid “betrayals” by others.
Highly recommend deciding to be the one person you can always count on to keep the promises you make to yourself.
It’s grounding, comforting, and a source of personal peace and joy.
What a fascinating insight, Ruth Ann. I will be mulling this over. Absolutely agree that by being on good terms with ourselves, first and foremost, we will find ourselves on solid footing for negotiating with the outside world and its expectations.
I love this and agree! However I really really really have to make sure my agreements are bite-sized and sane. I get really grandiose and optimistic the minute I decide to be productive (plus the fruits of procrastination have been piling up and threatening to rot—yikes). Then burnout, collapse and shame ensue. Leading to more avoidance of the to do list.
Then do that! Know yourself well enough to only schedule SURE WINS until you develop the habit of being impeccable with your word to yourself. Banish shame, welcome re-negotiating with integrity. Sometimes re-negotiation is the only way to maintain integrity. Purpose yourself to notice EVERY THOUGHT that is not supporting your good opinion of yourself and refuse to accept delivery of those. Reject them! (And ask yourself whose voice is so critical of you. You didn't learn that without lessons. FIRE THOSE VOICES. I had to fire my parents from commenting in my brain along about the time I realized they did not have MY best interests at heart but THEIRS.
This has been really powerful for me in dating and relationships! Learning to listen to that little “no” feeling in my body and then actually SAY no to people, situations, actions that I don't want, has opened up so much possibility for what I DO want.
These are brilliant! Here's a game I played when I started writing the you-know-what. I had a six week period before we were due to go on holiday, and I really wanted to get some words down, so I set myself the task of writing for at least 30 mins every day for those six weeks. I made a wall chart with coloured markers and gave my husband a budget to buy me a prize I would win if I ticked every day. Then he chose a six letter word to describe the prize and every week when I had ticked all the days I got one of the letters. Trying to solve the (partial) anagram and guess the prize was ridiculously motivating! I added 20,000 words before the holiday.
Omg, love the part where you gave your husband a budget to buy you prizes for each day of writing!! (We are all just children at the end of the day? Well—definitely writers 😭)
First, this was fantastic. I already do some of these things (e.g., I'll put on red lipstick to force myself to focus on work b/c red lipstick means Business), but I'm going to try out some more.
Second, I LOVE and frequently recommend "Daily Rituals: Women at Work," and often gift it to people, because it communicated to me better than any therapist that there is no one perfect way of getting things done, and often what we see from the outside as productivity came at a hidden and hefty cost (e.g., of health, relationships, balance). I think we're sold this idea of steady productivity as the baseline: normal and easily achievable if you just optimize optimization. But for many (most?) of us, productivity takes customized weirdness.
Heather, thank you so much for the kind words! I 100% agree with your "customized weirdness" insight — that's really it, finding some middle ground between our unique individual temperaments, our goals/ambitions, and our day-to-day circumstances and obligations. A process of constant negotiation, in my experience. So glad this idea came across through my book. All the best!
I’ve been searching and searching for some sort of productivity reframe that will help me get through necessary and boring administrative tasks, and “customized weirdness” might be the solution. Now I have to think of a way to apply the weird…
This was so fun!! How about combining a few of the tactics: after squirting ketchup all over your desk, do a Timelapse of your tavern wench alter ego narrating out loud like a sports announcer, using one exact path to execute the dice-decided tasks!
Interesting to see the different approaches. i had at one point adopted so many that it became a form of procrastination. Best to find one and stick with it. Walter Mosley in his 'masterclass' emphasized the need to write everyday, build a habit for regularly showing up for yourself and your story.
I have also used so-called productivity hacks as a form of procrastination! For example, by doing a certain form of elaborate to-do list-making instead of just doing the thing I knew I had to do.
I agree that it all comes down to knowing what you really want to do and committing to it. But it can take a while to get to that point of authentic commitment?
The most elaborate productivity project I undertook was sticky notes covering an entire wall. I bought special coloured sticky notes. I plotted a map of sticky notes like a spreadsheet across the wall. Each column was a chapter and each row was the progress of a specific plot point. It took me several days to build. And gave me a good, physical workout. Don’t ask me how the novel is going …
Love this! I also use sticky notes a lot, and printed drafts that I cut into sections and move around on my desk and staple or tape together in different configurations, with handwritten notes in different colored ink 🫠
Given the novelty = dopamine thing, I find it better to freely switch out hacks whenever they get stale (rather than feel bad about 'failing' with another technique again). Changing the system regularly IS the system.
(so long as you're not spending all your time researching approaches and never using them)
If you’re microwaving a frozen meal etc, that time is for tidying the kitchen. You would be surprised what you can get through in 3.5 minutes (two Hot Pockets) (often more like 5 but that’s just letting them not be hot like lava; the microwave beeps once a minute once something is in there and done so that’s the “aaand STOP” reminder)
Truly brilliant!!! I read an interview with Elizabeth Gilbert one time where she said she thinks of herself as “the dog”. The dog needs a walk. The dog needs water. The dog needs food food. Take your dog for a walk if it’s feeling sad and the dog is you lol
Play heavy metal, suck on warheads sour candy, spray your face with cold rose water, and inhale tea tree oil like it’s a line of blow then get after it, it being making the call, cleaning the thing, completing the progress note, editing the piece, etc.
A bit morbid, but, always keeping in mind that time is running out on this earth for me- every day. Gratitude for this day, overtakes anxiety about losing them. I become hyper focused on filling my day with everything I’d ever need to fill my heart. Don’t feel like training today? Well, how much time does your body have left to feel this good? Don’t feel like cooking today? How much time do you have left to enjoy a nutritious meal, pain free, with all your teeth and all your motor functions working perfectly. Etc, etc. I’ll never be as young as I am in THIS MOMENT. What can I do with this time? Another way of looking at it is with awe (thank you Suleika j) .. living each day as if it were my FIRST ( not my last ) ohh the excitement to drive a car! (Remember that feeling when you were 16?) traffic goes from daunting to appreciation for having the FREEDOM I always craved as a little child. Ohh the excitement to clean my house! (MY house? Whaaat? How cool to have one! How special, how privileged, how grown up) I ask my younger self how every day mundane things would excite me, and than I let them.
Two more strategies that I use, I figure the first one is in the insane category:
1. Instead of focusing on the goal, attempt to work towards the craziest pipe-dream fantasy version of the goal. Then you just kinda hop over the original goal as a stepping stone towards the pipe dream that you'll never reach, but you'll probably do some cool shit and burn out a bit, after recovering you've realized that you did what you needed to do and then some
2. Tend the garden. Don't even try to fit a particular goal. Keep yourself in a garden of related things to work on and prune around randomly. Then all the goals make progress and some are randomly achieved while others progress without that road block
Belatedly replying to say: Tend the garden, yes! This is a really useful framing I think. I know I tend to be most happily productive when I have a few different projects (or project phases) going at once, so I can bounce around between them as my mood dictates.
I also play "race the edible" as a way to get chores done. I definitely need to implement a "wench hour." I even have the perfect homestead/wench dress with big ass pockets that sometimes I'll put on as a way to get into more of a cleaning mode.
"no that's bad for the baby" is my new form of self-care
I have a similar strategy, just different framing. I imagine me being a kid and mother at the same moment and as my mum alter I say, of course honey, I'll get you a glass of water, rather than sitting here thirsty, you're worth it!
i have a bumper sticker that says “baby on board (i’m baby)” so i also really relate to this one.
Same!!! I love that one!
I used to have issues with other people breaking agreements with me. One day I realized (because of something I saw myself do despite telling myself I wouldn’t) that I wasn’t keeping my own agreements with myself.
I saw the utter lack of personal integrity. Why should anyone else honor an agreement with me when I constantly betrayed my own self?
In that moment I became a person whose word to herself was impeccable.
A decision.
Once that decision was made, it was not up for negotiation.
Now I can count on myself.
Somehow that taught me how to avoid “betrayals” by others.
Highly recommend deciding to be the one person you can always count on to keep the promises you make to yourself.
It’s grounding, comforting, and a source of personal peace and joy.
What a fascinating insight, Ruth Ann. I will be mulling this over. Absolutely agree that by being on good terms with ourselves, first and foremost, we will find ourselves on solid footing for negotiating with the outside world and its expectations.
I love this and agree! However I really really really have to make sure my agreements are bite-sized and sane. I get really grandiose and optimistic the minute I decide to be productive (plus the fruits of procrastination have been piling up and threatening to rot—yikes). Then burnout, collapse and shame ensue. Leading to more avoidance of the to do list.
Then do that! Know yourself well enough to only schedule SURE WINS until you develop the habit of being impeccable with your word to yourself. Banish shame, welcome re-negotiating with integrity. Sometimes re-negotiation is the only way to maintain integrity. Purpose yourself to notice EVERY THOUGHT that is not supporting your good opinion of yourself and refuse to accept delivery of those. Reject them! (And ask yourself whose voice is so critical of you. You didn't learn that without lessons. FIRE THOSE VOICES. I had to fire my parents from commenting in my brain along about the time I realized they did not have MY best interests at heart but THEIRS.
This has been really powerful for me in dating and relationships! Learning to listen to that little “no” feeling in my body and then actually SAY no to people, situations, actions that I don't want, has opened up so much possibility for what I DO want.
These are brilliant! Here's a game I played when I started writing the you-know-what. I had a six week period before we were due to go on holiday, and I really wanted to get some words down, so I set myself the task of writing for at least 30 mins every day for those six weeks. I made a wall chart with coloured markers and gave my husband a budget to buy me a prize I would win if I ticked every day. Then he chose a six letter word to describe the prize and every week when I had ticked all the days I got one of the letters. Trying to solve the (partial) anagram and guess the prize was ridiculously motivating! I added 20,000 words before the holiday.
Omg, love the part where you gave your husband a budget to buy you prizes for each day of writing!! (We are all just children at the end of the day? Well—definitely writers 😭)
It was embarrassing to realise that I still basically have the mind of a seven year old, but I genuinely loved it!
How is that embarassing?? Kids minds are human minds that are not moulded by societies standards: so you are just close to your humanness!
First, this was fantastic. I already do some of these things (e.g., I'll put on red lipstick to force myself to focus on work b/c red lipstick means Business), but I'm going to try out some more.
Second, I LOVE and frequently recommend "Daily Rituals: Women at Work," and often gift it to people, because it communicated to me better than any therapist that there is no one perfect way of getting things done, and often what we see from the outside as productivity came at a hidden and hefty cost (e.g., of health, relationships, balance). I think we're sold this idea of steady productivity as the baseline: normal and easily achievable if you just optimize optimization. But for many (most?) of us, productivity takes customized weirdness.
Heather, thank you so much for the kind words! I 100% agree with your "customized weirdness" insight — that's really it, finding some middle ground between our unique individual temperaments, our goals/ambitions, and our day-to-day circumstances and obligations. A process of constant negotiation, in my experience. So glad this idea came across through my book. All the best!
I’ve been searching and searching for some sort of productivity reframe that will help me get through necessary and boring administrative tasks, and “customized weirdness” might be the solution. Now I have to think of a way to apply the weird…
This was so fun!! How about combining a few of the tactics: after squirting ketchup all over your desk, do a Timelapse of your tavern wench alter ego narrating out loud like a sports announcer, using one exact path to execute the dice-decided tasks!
OK, now you're onto something!! Starting my TikTok account of ketchup-filled timelapse videos asap...
Interesting to see the different approaches. i had at one point adopted so many that it became a form of procrastination. Best to find one and stick with it. Walter Mosley in his 'masterclass' emphasized the need to write everyday, build a habit for regularly showing up for yourself and your story.
I have also used so-called productivity hacks as a form of procrastination! For example, by doing a certain form of elaborate to-do list-making instead of just doing the thing I knew I had to do.
I agree that it all comes down to knowing what you really want to do and committing to it. But it can take a while to get to that point of authentic commitment?
The most elaborate productivity project I undertook was sticky notes covering an entire wall. I bought special coloured sticky notes. I plotted a map of sticky notes like a spreadsheet across the wall. Each column was a chapter and each row was the progress of a specific plot point. It took me several days to build. And gave me a good, physical workout. Don’t ask me how the novel is going …
Love this! I also use sticky notes a lot, and printed drafts that I cut into sections and move around on my desk and staple or tape together in different configurations, with handwritten notes in different colored ink 🫠
Yeahh we know that but howww is the question:(
Given the novelty = dopamine thing, I find it better to freely switch out hacks whenever they get stale (rather than feel bad about 'failing' with another technique again). Changing the system regularly IS the system.
(so long as you're not spending all your time researching approaches and never using them)
If you’re microwaving a frozen meal etc, that time is for tidying the kitchen. You would be surprised what you can get through in 3.5 minutes (two Hot Pockets) (often more like 5 but that’s just letting them not be hot like lava; the microwave beeps once a minute once something is in there and done so that’s the “aaand STOP” reminder)
This is when I do old-lady "pushups" against the countertop!
Ooh, that's a good one, thank you for sharing! (Also a good reminder to always keep Hot Pockets in the freezer.)
Truly brilliant!!! I read an interview with Elizabeth Gilbert one time where she said she thinks of herself as “the dog”. The dog needs a walk. The dog needs water. The dog needs food food. Take your dog for a walk if it’s feeling sad and the dog is you lol
Oh my gosh, that's so good — thank you!
Play heavy metal, suck on warheads sour candy, spray your face with cold rose water, and inhale tea tree oil like it’s a line of blow then get after it, it being making the call, cleaning the thing, completing the progress note, editing the piece, etc.
I like this approach!
When I finished reading this I felt: how lovely is to “hear” about humans habits. Such a fresh topic (I have heard enough about AI)
Yes! And thank you
A bit morbid, but, always keeping in mind that time is running out on this earth for me- every day. Gratitude for this day, overtakes anxiety about losing them. I become hyper focused on filling my day with everything I’d ever need to fill my heart. Don’t feel like training today? Well, how much time does your body have left to feel this good? Don’t feel like cooking today? How much time do you have left to enjoy a nutritious meal, pain free, with all your teeth and all your motor functions working perfectly. Etc, etc. I’ll never be as young as I am in THIS MOMENT. What can I do with this time? Another way of looking at it is with awe (thank you Suleika j) .. living each day as if it were my FIRST ( not my last ) ohh the excitement to drive a car! (Remember that feeling when you were 16?) traffic goes from daunting to appreciation for having the FREEDOM I always craved as a little child. Ohh the excitement to clean my house! (MY house? Whaaat? How cool to have one! How special, how privileged, how grown up) I ask my younger self how every day mundane things would excite me, and than I let them.
Wench hour! I’m going to double down on that one when doing the dishes.
Two more strategies that I use, I figure the first one is in the insane category:
1. Instead of focusing on the goal, attempt to work towards the craziest pipe-dream fantasy version of the goal. Then you just kinda hop over the original goal as a stepping stone towards the pipe dream that you'll never reach, but you'll probably do some cool shit and burn out a bit, after recovering you've realized that you did what you needed to do and then some
2. Tend the garden. Don't even try to fit a particular goal. Keep yourself in a garden of related things to work on and prune around randomly. Then all the goals make progress and some are randomly achieved while others progress without that road block
Belatedly replying to say: Tend the garden, yes! This is a really useful framing I think. I know I tend to be most happily productive when I have a few different projects (or project phases) going at once, so I can bounce around between them as my mood dictates.
I also play "race the edible" as a way to get chores done. I definitely need to implement a "wench hour." I even have the perfect homestead/wench dress with big ass pockets that sometimes I'll put on as a way to get into more of a cleaning mode.
I can't believe how many people play "race the edible"!
This is SO great. Wench hour here I come!
Thank you for this curating work! It's very useful, creative and hilarious! Perfect for ADHD dop addicts 😄